Archive for the 'Counseling' Category
Well now the time has come to where you need to ask yourself ‘Do you want to save your marriage?’. Maybe your friends are even asking you that. If you have decided that the answer to that is “yes”, you will have a tough road ahead of you.
You have to step back and take a look at your marriage as a whole. You need to decide if this is really the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you decide that your partner is not the one for you, you should talk about getting a divorce now. If this is indeed ‘the one’, then be ready to start taking the steps to save your marriage.
It is time to get down to business. You do not need to get a divorce if the marriage is worth saving and can be saved. This time you have made the commitment to making this marriage work. Here are the steps you need to take.
The first step involves changes. Realize and accept that there are going to have to be some changes made in order for the marriage to work. You should know that you had a part in the downfall of your marriage and the sooner you know that, the sooner the making up can begin.
Maybe you had some bad habits, like not cleaning up after yourself, putting work before your family, or were addicted to something. Now is the time to change that around and show your partner that you are wanting to change and save what the two of you have. This is not just a one time thing though, you need to be committed to the change as well as to your partner.
Another step involves communication. You have to be willing to be open with your partner and be a good listener. Do not nag or fuss, just talk. You could even get involved in one of your partner’s hobbies, just to bring the two of you closer together.
If you and your partner have discussed marriage counseling and have decided that it is the best option to saving your marriage, then you should look for a local counselor for you. The counselor will be looking at your marriage from the outside and will ask questions to get the two of you to open up to each other. Just remember that no marriage is perfect and we all hit that rough road a time or two, but this does not mean that your marriage cannot be saved.
How you deal with the break up in the early stages is very critical if you want to get your ex back. The opening move can be the most important to get back your ex, as explained in this Free Video, from the man that has helped over 50,000 people In 77 countries at: http://www.BreakupAdviceHelp.com
This rocky road of marriage you are on has bound to have you wondering ‘How to save my marriage’. If you are wondering this, you are not alone and you can save your marriage.
The first thing you need to do is figure out what the root of the problems in your marriage are. Some of these problems include money issues, problems with raising the children, lack of intimacy, mis-communication or no communication, or loss of identity. There are many other problems of course, but it is up to you to find out what the main problem you and your partner are having in order to start saving the marriage.
The second thing you need to do is to communicate. If you have not had a lot of open conversation during the time of your marriage, then you may have communication problems and might want to consider going into counseling to help fix it. Communication is a huge thing that keeps the marriage alive.
In order to further the saving of your marriage, you and your partner should set some time aside everyday to work on your marriage as a whole. This time could be after the children have went to bed or even take a walk and talk for a little while after dinner. The alone time spent together will help the two of you get back in touch with each other. This is very vital to your marriage.
Once a week, every week, you should schedule a “date night”. This does not mean it has to be a wine and dine routine, just call a sitter for your kids and either go out for a picnic or take a walk around the mall. This will give you both something to look forward to during the week.
Spending time together and being romantic will be the perfect time to discuss the issues in your relationship, but you need to remember to keep an open mind toward what your partner is saying. You need to understand that you have cause some of the problems in the relationship and that listening to your partner will help you realize what you need to change in order to save your marriage.
Have faith in your partner and believe that they are the same person that you married to begin with. You need to have faith in order to have a successful marriage. You also need to be open to forgive, because your partner is not perfect and neither are you, so the two of you should learn to forgive and move on.
Follow the suggestions listed and you will be well on your way to saving your marriage, without have to ask “How to save my marriage”.
How you deal with the break up in the early stages is very critical if you want to get your ex back. The opening move can be the most important to get back your ex, as explained in this Free Video, from the man that has helped over 50,000 people In 77 countries at: http://www.BreakupAdviceHelp.com
1. Find Out What Your Partner Wants
Most of the time, couples do not communicate about their own needs. It is hard to know whether the other party is actually
meeting the needs. As a result, resentment builds up over time and eventually leads to a breakup.
You should always try to find out about your partner’s needs and check if you are meeting them.
After that, discuss about what you need. Tell your partner how much of your needs are being met.
After you know your partner’s needs and vice versa, think about what you and your partner have done and evaluate if it is enough. If it is not sufficient, draw out a plan to meet each other’s needs.
2. Respect Your Partner
Do not expect your partner to behave and react exactly as you would because your partner and you are not the same person.
You should not expect your partner to behave in the manner which you wish he or she should behave as. Unless you have communicated to your partner about what you hope he or she could have done better, you should not expect your partner to behave in the way you like them to be.
In most cases, it does not matter why your partner needs what he or she needs. If your partner got up in the middle of the night and said, “I’m thirsty,” would you turn around and say, “Well, I’m not, so go back to bed”? Therefore, you should learn to appreciate your partner’s individuality.
3. Message Which You Deliver to Your Partner?
How will you feel if your partner does not care about you? Likewise, how would your partner feel if you cannot meet his or her needs? Think of the message you are delivering to your partner when you are not meeting his/her needs.
Therefore, it is very important to sit down with your partner and talk about your individual’s needs and wants. Be forthcoming that both of you would love to respect one another.
Finally, come to an agreement on how each of you can improve on acknowledging both of your needs. Open communication can reduce resentment, get your needs met and save your relationship.
My step children are hideously selfish and don’t listen to a thing I tell them. They won’t even bathe! They’re 14(boy) and 11(girl). My husband has a passive parenting style. He hates to hear any fussing or fighting and likes to avoid confrontations. He knows that they treat me bad, but he says he doesn’t understand why he lets them do it. He says he just doesn’t know how to make them do the right thing. He’s tried punishment, rewards, and a combination of both. Nothing seems to work. I know that he loves me very much and it bothers him that he can’t figure out how to make the children behave and do as they’re told. He also loves his children, but they are tearing our marriage apart. Anyone have any ideas or have you ever been in this same situation??
A little more info:
We have a two year old daughter together. Mu husband just deployed to Iraq and will be gone 15 months. The mother rarely calls, lives out of state and is schizophrenic . She sees them maybe once every other year. My husband is a good man and a good father to my baby. He carries a lot of guilt about his divorce and the impact it had on his kids. I didn’t mean to make it sound like he was spinelss. I think his passiveness stems more from guilt than anything else.
We’ve been married for about 3 1/2 years.
I tried for the first two years to have some sort of relationship with the two of them. I’ve done things with them/for them, I’m the one who takes them shopping, I’m the one who buys them new clothes, I’m the one who makes their father take them to the library, the park, etc. After two years of doing for them and getting nothing (respect) in return, I stopped doing so much for them. They are just REALLY selfish children who were used to being the bosses and getting what they wanted. I’ve even suggested family counselling, but now that my husband is deployed, it’s too late for that.
Just a little nore in defense of myself: My husband is in the military and he’s not home much. The children are left in my care. I have provided them with structure and activities. It’s easy for a few to point the finger at me and say I’m the one being selfish, but if you any idea how many “talks” the kidsa and I have had about our relationship, you’d understand why, at this point, I’m pulling my hair out. I agree with some of the negative comments. You’re right, I shouldn’t let their behavior bother me, but I don’t know of any way to just “turn off” my emotions when they treat me so badly. Even their father ADMITS that they treat me badly. Again, I have suggested (on several occasions) that we seek family councelling. I work, their father is gone, and I’m taking care of all three children. Is it so much to ask, for them to just follow a few rules? I’ve compromised a lot. I stopped nagging them to bathe, brush teeth, do homework or clean up after themselves!
By the way, Skidoo, my screen name was a joke between my sister and myself. One I’ve had for years. No hidden meaning whatsoever. 
And for any of you who took offense to the term “demonic step children”, come on! It was a phrase to show just how frustrated I am with them! I’ve done more for those two chilldren since I’ve known them than either their real mother or their father. I’ve taught them why they shouldn’t lie or steal, how to have compassion for others, how to take care of themselves, and a lot of other real life skills they need to become productive adults. The issues they have were going on a looooong time before I was ever in the picture. I tried to give them what they needed but they rejected me, so don’t point fingers at me for getting tired of trying to help them when they don’t want or appreciate my help. Sometimes, I think the only ones who really understand are the ones who have walked in my shoes. And some called ME judgemental?
I cheated on my hubby (once) before we got married 5 yrs ago, and yes i confess what I did before we said ”I Do”,then he recently cheated on me and got busted. I have filed for a divorce, but we believe that our marriage can be saved, but are at a lost where to began repairing the damage, when we have our families in our ears telling us that we’re stupid to save it, because someone who cheats will always cheat??
My boyfriend has an expired visa. It’s been expired for 5 years now. His mom didn’t renew his visa and didn’t work his papers that’s why he is having a lot of trouble. We don’t want him deported. And we want that his status would be legal. Would marrying him give him a green card? Coz my grandparents said that marriage cannot change a visa’s status anymore.
HELP!
- December 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- December 2008
- November 2008
- October 2008
- September 2008
- August 2008
- July 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- April 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
- January 2006
- December 2005
- November 2005
- October 2005
- September 2005
