Counter Transference in counseling

There are two important mental mechanisms which may often occur in the counselor apart from those already dealt with in connection with their occurrence in the client. These are “counter-transference” and “identification.”

Counter-transference. In common with all people the counsellor will inevitably have his share of habitual attitudes, prejudices and emotional needs. It is important for counseling that he should be as aware of them as much as possible, so to minimize the risk of their intrusion into the counseling relationship to its great detriment. Some of this awareness should come during the selection interviews and during the counselor’s training and his “in-service” training. But with human fallibility as it is there is always the possibility of emotional needs in counselors beyond their own awareness, which may be “resurrected” by the emotional interaction of counseling.

For example a counselor may have a deep emotional need to be loved and admired, and be unaware of its real strength in him. Supposing now that in the course of counseling the client begins to show love and admiration to him, touching this deep and largely unrecognized emotional need. The counselor will then feel a deep inner pleasure in the relationship, and if he is not careful he might respond affectionately to the client’s transference. This may lead to unhealthy emotional involvement which is bad for counselor and client, and even more destructive to the client’s marital relationship.

If, on the other hand, a client shows intense hostility to a counselor who has a deep need to be loved and admired, it may well stir up great hostility in the counselor against the client, which will be communicated to him even when the counselor thinks he is hiding his hostile feelings. The situation is complicated further in marriage counseling because such hostility to one client may easily lead to some identification with the other one, the results of this on the marriage counseling need no emphasis.

It is necessary for any counselor to try to define his own attitude to clients in this regard. Is it necessary for him to show no love to any client? The situation might be clarified by suggesting that the love that is appropriate for a counselor to show is the “parental” kind of love rather than the “lover” kind of love. At its best the parental kind of love (without the deep emotional attachment of the parent-child relationship) is a genuine goodwill “without strings,” a loving acceptance of the “child” for his own sake, a caring for his ultimate welfare without demanding any kind of return. This is what is meant by the Greek word “agape” and represents Christian goodwill and any other goodwill of similar nature to it. This “parental” kind of love has sufficient dispassion in it to prevent the natural compassion from becoming too involved emotionally in the client to prevent “empathy” from drifting into “sympathy.”

With this kind of accepting goodwill the counselor, whatever his own emotional need to be loved, can accept love or hostility from a client wi,liout allowing himself to use the counseling relationship for his own benefit or gratification. He can keep the counseling relationship as one that is between two people for the benefit of one the client! Apart from a possible need to be loved and admired, a counselor can have many other emotional needs, the need to be agreed with or understood, the need to assert himself, the need to manipulate other people and their lives, and even the need to prove to himself by suffering what a “devoted” person he is. How can these needs be perceived by the counselor if they have not been brought to light in his training? Firstly, by regular opportunities for the receiving of counseling of some kind himself. This may come through case discussions with supervisors or senior counselors or consultants, or through deliberate approach to someone of this kind for counseling. Any counselor who finds his own emotions becoming stirred up unduly in his counseling should consider seeking help in whatever way he can, so that he can “sort out” his own unresolved conflicts and his emotional vulnerabilities and needs.

In addition to this, and when adequate help is not available, he may assist in his own “sorting out” by asking himself some crucial personal questions. Here are some typical questions which may come up in the counselor’s mind about counter-transference or identification:

Why did I feel strained or hostile to that person? What did he do or say to stir up my feelings like this? Am I vulnerable there?

Why was I so keen to get my ideas across to that person? Do I want people to think that I know all the answers about marriage?

Why was I so protective with that client who felt so unloved and rejected? Could it be that I feel a bit that way too?

Why was I so averse to the idea of writing to the husband of this client? Have I felt so identified with her that I am rejecting him without wanting to get any idea of how he feels?

Why did I get so defensive when the client misjudged my attitude? Do I expect that people should always understand me?

Why did I keep on asking questions in that way? Is it because I am really curious about people’s intimate doings, or am I being anxious to avoid long silences and risk the client thinking I’m not adept at counseling?

Any intense emotional reaction that arises in the counselor’s mind in counseling should be at least the subject of some honest discussion with another counselor or a consultant. In this way the counselor can go on indefinitely with his own growth and improvement in counseling. It is highly probable that there are no counselors who are so competent that they cannot go on developing and learning.

A question that may come up many times in the counselor’s mind when things do not seem to go as he had hoped is “Do I assume that I ought to be able to help everybody who comes to me? Can I accept my share of failure and try to learn from each one? Can I discuss my failures as well as my “successes” with my colleagues?

Of course it would be an impossibility for a counselor with any normal feelings to be completely unmoved by the tensions and sufferings of those who come for help. To keep one’s emotions “on ice” as has sometimes been suggested, would mean that the client would feel no warmth of empathy, and might even feel completely rejected by an apparently indifferent counselor. The counselor’s emotions need to be recognized and controlled rather than “frozen.” When they are in any danger of taking control of the situation the counselor needs to face the situation and either regain control or consider referring the client to another counselor.

If a counselor finds himself or herself feeling particularly happy at the prospect of a forthcoming session with a particular client this is also an indication for some careful honest self-evaluation. Such feelings can easily grow to the point at which they may endanger the counseling and when not dealt with they may gradually corrode the counselor’s personality and make for very faulty work. By its very nature counseling is difficult to supervise very closely, and the counselor can “get away” with many inappropriate inner feelings for a longer time than is healthy. Counselors are in positions of great trust and are under a solemn obligation to preserve an impeccable integrity in their inner attitudes as well as in their actual work.

Tags: Counseling