Defining a goal for counseling

At some point in the interviewing, often towards the end of the initial interview but not necessarily so, it may be helpful for the counselor to make some attempt to define the goals and purposes of the counseling. In this way it may become clear to the client that he or she may through it be helped to greater understanding, greater growth to maturity, and greater ability to deal constructively with personal relationships. This may correct any assumption that the counselor will “do something” to bring peace and concord, or that he may “bring the partner to his senses” or “make him see that .” Then it is more likely that counselor and client will work toward the same end. The client will often provide the opening for such definition of the aims of counseling by some question or remark. As the unburdening of the first or a later interview seems to be nearing its end a client will often ask some such question as “Now I’ve told you about the sorry affair, what you going to do about it?” This question may be implied rather than asked directly, but in either case it provides the counselor with the opportunity to deal with a misconception which may lead him and the client to work at cross purposes unless it is corrected.

The definition is generally best carried out tactfully, so as not to give any feeling of rejection. An example of the counselor’s response might be, “You are hoping that I might be able to offer a solution to your problem? What kind of help were you hoping I might be able to give?” The client may either convey any underlying expectations regarding the counseling, or may throw it back to the counselor with some such remark as, “I really don’t know, but I thought you’d have some ideas to suggest,” or “I hoped you’d be able to do something to help.”

The counselor might then respond in such a manner as, “I imagine you’ve already had quite a bit of advice, and been rather disappointed that it hasn’t helped very much. Most of us find that in such complex things as the intimate personal relationships of marriage the best help we can give is to look with each person at his or her problems so that we can come to understand something of how they feel about it, and then to see if together we can come to understand better why they feel as they do. By talking the situation over as fully as possible in this way we find that people can come to see their situation and that of their partner more clearly. They are then better able to look at the various alternatives and decide what they can do about it without being confused by their upset feelings. I think you can see that this would be likely to need a few more sessions, and if you would like to go on I shall be glad to hear more of how you feel about it, and to look with you at anything you feel able to talk about.” This might not be offered at such length in one “speech,” but it represents the kind of definition that many clients may need in their unfamiliarity with the aims and methods of counseling.

A similar kind of definition may be given in response to another type of question by the client, “What do you think I should do about this?” The counselor’s response might be, “What alternatives had you in mind? Perhaps we could look at them for a minute so that we could think about them between now and the next session.” If they are given by the client, the counselor might then say, “Do you think it might be best to look more deeply into these so that we can find a really worthwhile answer to the problem?” Then he can go on to define the counseling aims as before.

At some point in this discussion it is generally important for the counselor to emphasize that everything discussed in every session of counseling is held in sacred confidence and not disclosed to anyone, even the marital partner, without the client’s permission. There may be many kinds of natural openings for this, for example when the client expresses the feeling of some kind of disloyalty in discussing a marital partner or a parent or parent-in-law; or when the client seems diffident about discussing matters of immorality or possible mental illness. Such assurances will often overcome the client’s reticence and greatly assist in the establishment of rapport.

Tags: Counseling