One of factor - Ignorance or Misinformation

The result of this freedom to marry without any necessary safeguards as to personal fitness is that many serious marital disorders are primarily caused by the personal unfitness of one or both partners for marriage. Fortunately this in many-cases is not beyond repair, and it is therefore important for all who seek to help those in marital trouble to be aware of the different kinds of unfitness and of ways by which they can possibly be helped. Some of the most common of them will therefore be discussed.

a. Ignorance or misinformation. With more widespread projects concerned with education for marriage there is probably a steady lessening of ignorance and misinformation. But it is still true in most if not all countries that a large proportion of people who marry do so with the vaguest and often the most distorted ideas about such important matters as the sexual impulses in men and women, the meaning of love, the expression of love in the sexual relationship, the principles of personal relationships, and even about such “practical” matters as home management, cooking, sewing, carpentry, first aid and home nursing. Matters concerning parenthood and child management also have much to do with the general conduct of marriage, and can be suitably dealt with in the early years of marriage, if possible before the children come.

Everyone who marries has received a great deal of information of a kind, but in all too many cases it will have come from sources which are grossly inadequate and often completely misleading, such as the general conversation of their friends, neighbors, colleagues, and, strangely less often, of their parents. This is supplemented by the subtle influences of the mass media, popular novels, “soap opera” on radio and television, and the movies, not to mention the seductive practices in mass advertising. Even many apparently sophisticated and knowing people are found to have some very distorted ideas about some of the essential facts of life and of human relationships, so it has generally been found wise to take nobody for granted in this field.

In addition to correct information about the essential facts relating to sex, love, marriage, home making and parenthood, some training in self-control and in constructive attitudes to these things is essential. It has been found that merely giving information about such matters as sex may only make it more possible for undisciplined people to participate in all kinds of distorted and even abnormal sexual practices. Sex is an energy which needs harnessing and direction as well as knowledge, and this aspect of education for marriage will be dealt with in the next section (”Immaturity”) as will other distorted attitudes.

This difficulty of lack of correct information and knowledge is of course best dealt with by education from earliest childhood onwards, and particularly in a comprehensive premarital preparation, often with groups of young people, and with encouragement of free discussion under wise and understanding leadership. But when it is discovered during counseling in marital disorders that there is considerable ignorance or misinformation about essential matters the counselor must be able to give the necessary information in a simple, natural and reverent manner, and in some cases to put the partners in touch with other sources of information, such as other counselors, or suitable books. But no book will take the place of the personal relationship between counselor and the partners for the passing on of information in the necessary atmosphere of good personal rapport. Part of the training of a marriage counselor is therefore concerned with knowledge of these things, healthy attitudes to them, and ability to communicate them to people in an effective manner.

Tags: Counseling