Personal qualities to be looked for in a marriage counselor

Among the many personal qualities that are generally sought in the initial selection of prospective marriage counselors are the following:

1. Honesty, integrity of character, trustworthiness and ability to hold communications in strict confidence.
2. An open mind and a liberal and tolerant outlook, free from restrictive prejudice and not prone to take sides in personal conflicts.
3. Emotional and personal balance and poise, with flexibility in attitude and practice; awareness of own limitations
as well as abilities and powers.
4. Clear insight and capacity for reasoned analysis; and ability to visualize the importance of deeper elements in personal and social problems.
5. Ability to discuss intimate and emotionally charged matters without embarrassment.
6. Acceptance of and loyalty to the aims of the Marriage Guidance or Counseling organization.
7. Deep and genuine warmth and “non-exploitative” interest in people, without personal involvement or “vested interest” in results of counseling. Readiness to go with partners even through break-up of their marriage if they decide to do so.
8. Capacity to be a good listener, easy to talk to when one is in trouble, and able to inspire and win the confidence
of all kinds of people of both sexes and different ages.
9. Genuine patience, not too impulsive with the offering of “solutions,” or eager to give answers or reassurances, and
yet able to offer constructive help as well as understanding.
10. Persistence with which to see a difficult case through.
11. Permissiveness and non-judgmental objectivity, without disguising personal standards and values or seeking to
impose them on others.
12. Reasonable freedom from unsolved personal and marital problems, and reasonable awareness of emotional needs.

It is clear that in any preliminary selection these qualities of personal character and relationship must be regarded more as guides than as absolute standards, or there would probably be very few candidates for training as counselors. Many of these qualities are found to be developed to a considerable extent in any good course of training, and they are further stimulated in the actual work of counseling. No matter how many of these qualities any counselor may have, he will always find room for further growth and development.

Beyond these personal qualities there are many “vocational” and “technical” abilities which are mainly achieved in the training courses and further developed throughout all active counseling work, through contact with people in need of help, experience of actual counseling, and through team work, professional supervision, consultations, and case discussions over the years of service.

The good counselor then will have a genuine readiness to look at each problem that comes to him through each partner’s eyes, not to judge or to give advice or superficial reassurance, but to go with each of them right down into the agonizing bewildering situation and into their background ideas, attitudes and emotional needs. Then he will patiently support them while they are relating these to the realities of their marital relationship and making the necessary modifications in application of their new insights and their liberated feelings.

Tags: Counseling