Role of Books and lectures in dealing with ignorance and misinformation

Another possible and sometimes effective method of dealing with ignorance and misinformation is through books, booklets, pamphlets, and occasionally the provision of lectures. These need to be well chosen with regard to the suitability of the material, the manner and the spirit in which they are presented, and the capacity of the clients to profit by them. The appropriate time for offering such help through literature also needs careful consideration.

When literature or lectures are offered to clients it is well for the counselor to offer them the opportunity of discussing the material in subsequent sessions, encouraging them to mark any particular parts of the material which they may wish to discuss, and also eliciting from them their general impressions of the information that has been offered, and the application of the various matters to their own situation. General and specific information given in books or lectures or pamphlets needs to be applied to the particular feelings and needs of the clients if it is to be of the most practical value. Dealt with in this way it forms a very important part of the counseling process, and it has increased value because it can be taken up and studied at any future occasion if needed. Most if not all marriage counseling agencies keep a supply of printed material for distribution and sale, and also have lists of recommended reading material. Many of them also organize classes of instruction for those who may feel disposed to enroll.

In dealing with apparent immaturity of any kind in either partner the counselor will generally attempt to encourage the client to discuss his earlier background “conditioning,” and this has already been dealt with in a previous section. In seeking to find out what kind of relationships existed between the client and significant people in his childhood the question, “How did you get on with your mother (or other person)?” is likely to be answered in such a manner as “Oh all right,” which may tend to close the discussion. A more productive approach is through the question, “What sort of person was your mother?” and in answering that kind of question the client will generally bring out many important aspects of his relationship with her. With similar questioning about father, step-parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, brothers, sisters, half-brothers and sisters, and “unofficial” uncles and aunts, and friends. As we saw in the first case record in this book it may help to obtain a two-dimensional view of the client’s background, from the client himself and from his partner, who will usually have some knowledge of it; and also possibly from anyone else with good knowledge. In such ways as this a fairly complete impression can be gained of the client’s “style of life” (as Adler called it), which may help in the further counseling.

An important aspect of immaturity is the “vulnerability” of the client, and his “rigidity” of thought, attitude and behavior. In his unburdening the counselor will gain some idea of what kinds of attitude and behavior in others upset him or stir up hostile reactions in him. The counselor may then be able to look with him behind the vulnerabilities to the uncritical assumptions and emotional needs and other inner factors which have contributed to them. They are better dealt with at this deeper level than at the superficial one.

When there are indications of any form of mental illness the counselor will necessarily consider the advisability of referral, but in some milder and less obvious cases he may be able to help the client to better insight and better relationships. For example many clients show indications of self-hate, self-disparagement or even self-punishment, which may be traceable back to the kind of conditioning which came from their parents. Others will show indications of projection or reaction formation, or other mental processes dealt with in a previous section. These are sometimes open. to counseling help, but when at all persistent or severe they generally need psychotherapy. Any apparently abnormal sexual attitudes or psychopathic manifestations will also bring the counselor to consider referral as long as the marital situation is being threatened or upset by them. Some attempt to find the background factors in the assumption of such attitudes may be justifiable, and occasionally this will make it possible for the client and partner to understand them better and to work out constructive ways of dealing with them.

Certain religious attitudes in one or both clients may appear to cause quite serious conflicts in marriage, and these are often very difficult to deal with because they are at a level of thought which is not altogether open to reason, and are the products of long continued childhood conditioning. But such difficulties are a challenge to mutual tolerance which is supposed to be one of the products of good religion, and the counselor might well try to help the partners to face their religious conflicts on that basis. If they can learn to do this it may develop their religious attitudes towards much greater maturity and practical relevance. In many cases of immature or rigid religious attitudes this may demand very great tact and patience; and a way of handling the situation which comes “not to destroy but to fulfill,” and which does not seek to impose any of the counselor’s religious attitudes on the clients.

Where the difficulty and conflict is in the kind of religious training which is to be given to the children it may be difficult to find a way through the trouble which is acceptable to both partners. It is much better when such difficulties are anticipated and worked out between the partners before the children come, but when this has not been done the counselor has to make the best of the situation in the face of all the emotional tensions which so often surround it. There is one general principle which may possibly be offered at any appropriate stage in the counseling, that in those cases where the differences are at all great it is better for the children to share the religious attitudes and denomination of their mother, with whom they naturally have closer ties, than those of the father. For children to grow up with religious attitudes at variance with those of their mother involves difficulties and adverse consequences beyond general awareness, and the counselor may feel it incumbent on him to offer this information.

Keywords: Marriage, Marriage Counseling, Marital Relationship, Marital Disorder, Marital Conflict