Some significant mental processes found in counseling – Repression, Rationalization

Before leaving the subject of the initial interviewing of the two partners we may consider some important mental processes which may occur in either client and some which may occur in the counselor during the first or any subsequent interviews. How these are handled will make a profound difference to the success or failure of the counseling, and they are therefore worthy of consideration at this stage.

In the client some of the more common mental processes are the emotional unburdening which is called catharsis and the expression of “contrary” feelings described as ambivalence, which have already been dealt with to some extent. Other common mental processes in the client are repression, rationalization, suppression, compensation, abreation, anxiety, resistance and “blocking,” projection, transference, insight formation, redefinition and “reconceptualization,” and sublimation. In the counselor many of these processes may be evoked by the emotional interaction of counseling, and two others, “counter-transference” and identification are worthy of some attention.

a. Repression. It is clear that unless people’s consciousness were freed from the infinite number and variety of memories of unimportant things, any intelligent living would be impossible. This process of automatic “forgetting” is called repression, and it is essential to realize that it is an unconscious and not a deliberate process. As many obsessed people find to their dismay the harder they try to push any thought out of their minds the more it will keep on intruding. Repression therefore is a universal and healthy process in this sense. But it can also be unhealthy in that some of our most painful and distressing unresolved experiences are automatically “forgotten,” and when that happens the emotional tensions associated with them are apt to go on “festering” below the level of awareness and to produce all kinds of apparently irrational feelings and ideas, and even disturbances of bodily function. Many previous attitudes and actions of which we feel ashamed are automatically repressed in this way from our awareness, but they may be clearly remembered by those with whom we live.

One result of this is that often in counseling one partner may admit no recollection of some aggressive act of which the other one complains bitterly, and he is accused of deliberate lying. It helps greatly if the counselor realizes that in fact the incident may have been genuinely “forgotten,” particularly if it originally occurred in a quarrel that was highly charged with emotion. Some clarification of this with the aggrieved partner may help to reduce the tension.

Some of the mental processes about to be discussed are results of repression or reactions to it, and these aspects of repression will be dealt with when these processes are considered. It is not the counselor’s function to attempt to bring deeply repressed material to the “surface.” That is for the trained psychotherapist to carry out in individual psychotherapy. But many of the client’s partly repressed experiences in the recent or more distant past may come into memory as the counseling proceeds, and may emerge in the emotional unburdening. The counselor accepts the feelings expressed in the setting of his attention to the relationship, and does not set out on any attempt at deep dynamic interpretations, for which of course he is not equipped. But without some attention to the underlying, at least partially repressed elements in the situation, marriage counseling, and counseling in general, would fail to meet most of the disorders for which it is sought.

b. Rationalization. Like repression, this is a universal mental process, one of the automatic “protective” devices for human self-regard. It is an outcome of repression in that the real motives for many of our feelings, attitudes and actions are conveniently “blotted out,” and we bluff ourselves into the plausible belief in a more “respectable” reason for what we have felt and done. This is often quite unconvincing to many other people, who may “see through” our apparent hypocrisies and shams, and may make no secret of their doing so, even though they will almost certainly be rationalizing many similar things in their own lives.

When such accusations are made or implied all our defenses become mobilized and we tend to react emotionally, which brings further emotional reactions in the accusers, and the battle is on. It seems that most people tend to criticize in others the very things to which the critics are unconsciously prone. “The pot calls the kettle black,” well could the poet Robert Burns observe hauntingly, in his poem, “To a Louse”:
O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us To see oursels as others see us! It wad frae mony a blunder free us, And foolish notion.

In marriage counseling every narrative of each client tends to be filled with rationalizations, and most of the necessary insight is concerned with the ability to “see through” some of one’s own rationalizations. Since any attempt at “frontal attack” on most rationalization will only tend to stir up more defenses, the counselor restrains himself from any such temptation and accepts the client’s expressed feelings in the manner already described. As the counseling sessions proceed he will help the client to “clarify” his feelings and attitudes, and possibly those of his partner. This will be discussed in the section dealing with the subsequent interviews.

c. Suppression. This term is used to describe the deliberate withholding of possibly significant elements in the marital conflict from discussion, generally as an attempt to preserve self-regard. In this way it is differentiated from repression which is an automatic unconscious process. Suppression is to some extent inevitable and quite natural in counseling, because the client generally will feel the need to “try out” the counselor before he can risk the disclosure of anything which might incur the risk of rejection or condemnation. This again has much to do with repressed fears of childhood parent figures by whom the client may have felt rejected at a “helpless” time when such rejection was a “life and death” matter.

The counselor, realizing this, will always keep the situation open and allow for many deeper elements to emerge in their own time as the client “tests him out” by guarded tentative admissions, progressively gaining confidence through the counselor’s acceptance of all of them. It is often found that these previously suppressed elements prove to be the most important keys to better insight and better relationships. In some cases important suppressed material can be brought into the open more quickly through a joint interview when certain safeguards have been established. This will be discussed in more detail in the section which deals with the arranging and handling of joint interviews.

d. Compensation. As it applies to the mental processes found in counseling compensation is an unconscious mental process by which the discomfort and humiliation of some defect in character, ability or behavior are relieved by the
over-emphasis on an opposite quality of personality. Self assertiveness, for example, is often an unconscious automatic compensation for deep and puzzling feelings of inferiority, which in their turn may be the products of repressed humiliating experiences. Many such compensations are of healthy positive value, as Adler has repeatedly emphasized in his psychological writings. But many others are productive of strain and conflict in the individual and in his personal relationships, and these may have great significance in the counseling process.

For example a husband who seems bent on taking every possible opportunity to humiliate his wife in all kinds of unjust and even irrational ways will generally be found to be suffering from a deep sense of inferiority, failure or guilt, but this may take much time and patience in counseling for it to become clear to this husband. But when the counselor sees the signs of it he is more ready to keep the door open to the client’s gradual achievement of insight.

One suggestive indication by which over-compensation can be suspected is a kind of compulsive quality in the attitudes and behavior of the client, as if he were possessed by the particular need. This is found most typically in the neurotic personality, but it is also found to a variable extent in many immature people and in others who show no other evidence of neurotic traits. As long as the counselor keeps in his mind the possibility of compensatory attitudes he is less likely to be bluffed into taking his clients’ feelings and attitudes and their behavior at their face value. At the appropriate point a deeply understanding comment, “Could it be that your need to humiliate your wife comes from a deep sense of failure in yourself? ” might bring a flash of insight to the client. But of course such comments will only be appropriate when the counseling has gone beyond the initial stages of catharsis and the development of rapport.

e. Abreaction. This is a process, more commonly found in psychotherapy than in counseling, in which the unburdening of emotion gathers such “momentum” that the client is completely possessed by it for a time. His speech may be quite unrestrained in content and in emphasis, and the outpouring of emotion may be accompanied by all kinds of bodily movements and expressions. In some cases of psychotherapy this kind of release of feeling is encouraged by free association, by hypnosis or by certain sedative drugs, but this requires considerable professional training and experience if it is to be handled without the risk of harm.

In counseling abreaction is not generally encouraged, and when it begins to appear the counselor needs to consider carefully whether to allow it to proceed or whether to offer the client the opportunity to defer the interview. When abreaction appears in a joint interview it is particularly important to consider the risk of unduly wounding the other partner, and to be ready to terminate this part of the interview if this appears to be possible. The abreacting partner may be given the opportunity to unburden his intense feelings to the counselor when the other partner has been allowed to withdraw for the time, and that may be of considerable help to the “inflamed” client.

f. Anxiety. We are here concerned with anxiety as it may develop in the counseling process, and it may do so in the counselor or the client, or in both. Many clients feel some anxiety at the idea of coming for help, and this anxiety should gradually diminish as they come to feel the counselor’s acceptance. The kind of anxiety which the client may develop in the actual counseling is something every counselor needs to be ready to perceive and to deal with. This is most likely to occur when the client suddenly comes to feel that his emotions are taking hold of him and that he is getting “out of his depth.” He may show this anxiety either in facial expression, bodily restlessness, inflection of speech, or by suddenly withdrawing into his shell. Sometimes he may even terminate the counseling abruptly. It is essential for the counselor to try to perceive this before it becomes too intense, and to avoid any “pushing” in his attitude or in his comments. When the anxiety seems to be increasing it is often well to offer the client a rest from the counseling. If he wishes to go on he is allowed to do so, but in many cases an anxious client accepts the offer of a rest quite eagerly, and can then return more easily to the anxiety producing material in a later session.
Anxiety may arise in the counselor when a client seems to be uncooperative or resistant to the counseling, especially when the client indulges in prolonged silences. The anxious counselor is then tempted to resort to a succession of questions rather than to show complete acceptance of the client’s possible feelings, and that will tend to delay or divert the counseling and may even spoil it altogether.

g. Resistance and “blocking.” These processes may commonly occur in counseling and need to be understood by the counselor. In some cases the “blocking” may be due to the unconscious identification of the counselor with someone in the client’s early or present life, of whom the client has been frightened, or felt hatred, distrust, or some other negative emotion. In other cases it may be due to growing anxiety in the client, and it is then a very useful automatic “delaying mechanism” which secures for the client some time to become adapted to the new situation.

If the counselor jumps to the conclusion that resistance is a deliberate act of the client he may well become hostile or anxious. These feelings will inevitably be communicated to the client, however much the counselor may think he has hidden them, and the client’s anxiety or hostility will be increased. When the counselor understands that these processes are generally automatic and necessary he will find it easier to accept them and to show his acceptance, and then the client will be better able to work through them. In some cases in which a prolonged “blocking” seems to be due to the client’s identification of the counselor with a significant figure in his background it may be most helpful for the counselor to refer the client to another counselor, possibly one of the opposite sex or one in a different age group. In many cases this has freed the client from the blocking and enabled him to work through the earlier relationship to a healthy acceptance. In some cases of such identification it may be found that the same negative feelings were projected onto the marital partner, and then the working through them will greatly help the marital relationship as well as the actual counseling process. Resistance and blocking therefore are important processes for the counselor to accept and to use constructively in the later clarification.

Tags: Counseling