The Initial Interviews with each partner

The initial interview with each partner is of vital importance for the success or failure of the whole process of counseling, because it has a large part in creating the “rapport” between each partner and the counselor so essential for effective counseling. Each client, as we have seen, comes with very mixed, and often intense feelings, not only from the emotional strains of the marital situation, but also from the strains of seeking help from a third party. Each client will therefore be very sensitive to any failure on the part of the counselor to accept him and his feelings. If the client is skeptical about the ability of counseling to help he may well use any lack of acceptance as an excuse for refusing to come again. Any setback in the development of rapport may disturb his sensitive feelings, and will possibly drive him back into his shell to such an extent as to block the counseling process.

I. RAPPORT
As the whole counseling process depends on the establishment and maintenance of rapport some attention to this aspect of the counselor-client relationship is essential. The term rapport is borrowed from the French phrase “en rapport,” which means “in harmony” or “in accord.” It implies for the client a deepening sense of “at homeness,” and a confidence in the counselor’s ability and readiness to accept him as he is, with any failings, and to give his full concentrated attention to him and his problems and difficulties. This of course is implied in the term “inter-view”-i.e., viewing between.

Some of the foundations of rapport are established by the reputation of the counseling agency or of the private counselor, and by the kind of recommendation which induces the client or clients to come for help. The friendly atmosphere and genuine desire to arrange the most helpful appointment possible which may be shown by the receptionist, the person who answers the telephone or any letters, and any other members of the staff will also help greatly, especially when a client is nervous and apprehensive.

The main factors in the development of rapport, however, are the personality and the attitude of the counselor, and his total handling of the fluctuating interaction which goes on throughout the whole series of interviews. The client may feel it first as a natural simple sincerity, a spontaneous “warmth,” and a genuine interest and desire to understand and to help. As the interview goes on the client will come to feel more and more clearly that he is accepted in a non-judgmental manner, so that any sense of humiliation at having to open up his life to another person is gradually replaced by a growing feeling that he can unburden even the worst things about himself without fear of being condemned or rejected. He will also come to realize that he can talk freely about sexual attitudes, and other subjects which are not so freely discussed in ordinary social conversation.

At the same time the client will begin to realize that some of his expectations about the counselor and about the interview will not be fulfilled. He may be disappointed because the counselor will not take his “side,” or share his “righteous indignation” about the attitudes and actions of his partner or his “in-laws.” This will sometimes disturb the rapport for a time, but the counselor is not setting out to establish “rapport at any price,” and cannot allow himself to be the judge. But his acceptance of even the client’s disappointment in him will gradually tend to overcome the client’s doubts and misgivings. It may actually provide the first real step towards more realistic thinking on the part of the client, which may be a necessary part of his growth from a kind of childish dependency that may have been an important factor in the marital conflict.

In some cases the client will react with intense hostility to the counselor’s failure to take his side, and such exaggerated feelings are generally an expression of deep repressed childhood attitudes to some important person in the client’s early life, generally a parent. This irrational attitude, and others of similar nature, are generally the re-enacting of such early attitudes, and are described under the term “transference.” They happen much more frequently in deeper psychotherapy than in the more superficial counseling, and when accepted and handled adequately they form an important part of the healing process. This subject of transference will be discussed more fully in a later part of this section.

Tags: Counseling