The personal environment – A factor that affects marital disorders

This is a possible source of many marital difficulties. “Interfering in-laws,” especially when any of them live with or very near the partners, have been a well known source of trouble. The seductive charm of “the girl at the office” or “the man at the office” is also well known. Many a so-called “friend” has exerted a disruptive influence on a marriage partnership, and so have neighbors, job associates, “gangs,” and other personal interferences.

But it seems clear that just as the resistance of the human body is an important factor in germ infection, so the “resistance” of the marriage relationship is an important factor in the marital “infection.” When some personal interference is found to be an apparent causative factor in a marital disorder the counselor will generally have no contact with, and certainly no influence, on the source of the interference, so he can then only help by trying to strengthen the “resistance” of the marriage to such attempts at interference.

For example, when a mother-in-law seems to be dominating one of the partners, the counselor can generally do nothing with her even if it were regarded as the right way to deal with the situation, which is seldom if ever the case. The dominated partner, however, will need some help designed to bring insight into the reasons for allowing such domination, and the constructive ways of recovering the kind of mature autonomy which is necessary for a good adult partnership.

In many other cases of interference there is an underlying defect in the marriage which makes it, or one of the partners, vulnerable to such outside attractions or pressures. There may have been long and wearing conflict, lack of attention to the marriage with indifference and neglect, persistent loneliness and monotony, or any other similar disease of the marriage. Sometimes such chronic disease, like disease in the human body, is “walled off” from everyday interaction, but yet it may gradually corrode the marriage and make it susceptible to any external destructive influence.

Another aspect of the personal environmental influences is the type of job being carried out by one or both partners. When there is inescapable job dissatisfaction it will inevitably have its influence on the marital relationship, as of course disturbed domestic relationships will have their influence on the quality and satisfaction of a person’s daily work. It may be too that an inescapable job involves long or difficult hours, undue worry or strain, or prolonged absence from home. It may also make it impossible for a family to settle down for any length of time in one place because it entails constant moving from place to place. These difficulties add to the strains of domestic life, and may often be revealed during counseling. When the external difficulties cannot be altered it is then the task of the counselor to help the partners to work out possible ways of working better together within the limits laid down by these vocational necessities.

Tags: Counseling