The preliminaries of marriage counseling

The initial act which sets the whole process of marriage counseling in motion is usually the making of an appointment by one or both of the partners, or sometimes by someone in their behalf. This is usually done by telephone or by letter, or by direct personal visit to the agency, clinic, or professional rooms. It is generally agreed that in all cases of trouble or illness in which emotions are involved, the “helping” process begins with the first contact with the chosen source of help, and is assisted or hindered by the attitudes and actions of everyone who may be concerned in the work.

The person who answers the telephone, the door of the agency or consulting rooms, and any letters that are written, may have a vital influence on the whole course of the helping process. A natural, warm, friendly interest and an intuitive grasp of the feelings of people, with a genuine attempt to meet their needs as well as possible, will do much to start the work on the right foot.

The emotional “climate” of any agency or consulting rooms will depend partly on wise choice of staff, but possibly even more on the kind of relationship that exists between all who work together, from the director to the most junior helper. When the team work is of good quality, and the members have regular opportunities for keeping together, the nature of the work itself will help to promote good fellowship. It may be that such a simple occasion as a regular tea or coffee break to which every member of the staff is welcomed, will prove to be one of the best opportunities for such fellowship. There is need for some flexibility with regard to appointment times to allow the more urgent cases to be attended to without undue delay, but this of course depends on the relationship between the demands for help and the available staff. It is of great help to the receptionist or to whomever makes the appointments to have some available time for urgent cases, and thus avoid the difficulty of having to involve them in distressing and possibly dangerous delay.

At the first appearance of any client or clients at an agency or clinic it is likely that some details will be recorded, such as names and addresses, telephone numbers (with information as to whether it is desired that the number should not be called at any given times), and possibly some other facts such as date and place (church or registry office) of marriage, any previous marriages and how they were terminated, age and sex of children, religious persuasion of husband and wife, active or nominal, and whether changed after marriage, and occupations of husband and wife. The source of referral is also generally recorded at this time, and the present state of the marriage (if broken, who left and when?).

These basic details may be obtained either by questioning of the client by the receptionist; or if more suitable to the organization, by the counselor; or they may be recorded by the clients on a special form before they begin the actual counseling. In some marriage counseling agencies the clients fill in a very extensive formal questionnaire, and thus provide full data for research purposes, with very careful safeguards against breach of confidence through keeping names and addresses separate from any copies of data used for research.

The advantage of recording of data by the receptionist or by the clients before counseling is that the counselor will not have to risk leading the client to believe that he is looking mainly for factual data when he really is most concerned about the feelings of the client, and about what the facts or the experiences mean to the client. It also helps to make sure that these data will be recorded. On the other hand, when the counselor records these basic data his doing so will sometimes give the client a good opportunity to collect his or her thoughts, and “feel” his way into the counseling situation while giving these routine facts. The counselor can easily make it clear then that he is interested in how the client feels by his responses to any feelings that are expressed in the narrative.

The whole question of recording of interviews by the counselor is of some importance. From the client’s point of view it is probably best if, after taking down the essential preliminary data, the counselor can put down his pen and give his full and undivided attention to the client; but in some cases this may have the drawback that the counselor will have to depend on his memory for the main details. When one counselor is dealing with a fairly large number of clients, this will obviously be very difficult. It may be possible for the counselor to write down a fairly full account of the interview immediately after it has been terminated, and with practice this may give a better record than anything written down during the interview. For any counselor it is most valuable to have a record of the main details of each interview, because he is then able to refresh his memory just before each subsequent interview and begin it with some awareness of the client’s previous feelings and experiences. This makes for much better rapport, and much greater efficiency.

Another alternative is for the client or the counselor to record a fuller range of data, including possibly some of the complaints and experiences of each client during the interviews, and then for the counselor to make his own record of the appropriate details at the end of the sessions after the client has departed. In some training centers in different parts of the world tape recordings of interviews are made, with the permission of the client and with safeguards against breach of confidence. This is of great value for the training of new counselors, with no disclosure of names, and also for the continuing training of established counselors. Such recordings can be the only means of checking the actual quality of the work of any counselor, and may well help a counselor to check his own attitudes and methods. So far it has not been used in marriage counseling centers in Australia, but it seems essential that some such, method of improving and safeguarding the standards of this work will need to be considered and organized.

In some American training schools selected interviews are carried out in rooms equipped with special windows which allow observation in one direction only, so that trainees can see and hear (through headphones) the whole interview, without knowing the name of the client. This is another excellent manner by which people can be trained for the very skilled work of marriage counseling, and by which the whole quality of the work can be improved.

Tags: Counseling