The Subsequent Interviews with Either Client

In subsequent interviews with either client some deeper problems may be expressed, which for various reasons were not brought up earlier. The counselor needs always to have this possibility in mind and to keep an open mind for them. He may also help if he is sensitive to any rather cautious tentative approaches to such deeper matters, and able to respond in such a way as to encourage their full unburdening. One kind of tentative approach may be through an apparently general question, and if the counselor is induced to give a straight answer to it he might unwittingly “close the bidding” and discourage the client from going on. A constant unexpressed question at the back of the counselor’s mind, “I wonder why she is asking that question” may help him to respond to the implied feeling, and “keep the bidding open.”

For example in the interviews with Betty she changed the subject at one point by asking, apropos of nothing in particular, “Do you think husbands and wives ought to try always to please each other?” If the counselor gave the obvious answer, “Of course they should,” with or without a pleasant little homily, it would probably close that part of the discussion and Betty would switch off on to another subject, or make some inconsequential observation.

But supposing the counselor has his wits about him to the extent that he realizes that Betty would already know the answer to such a straight question, and must therefore have some interesting reason for asking it. Then he might respond in some such manner as, “You sometimes find it difficult to please Frank?” This would give Betty the chance to go into more detail, “Yes, I’m afraid I do in some ways,” and this might well lead on to a full discussion of the sexual relationship and the despair Betty is feeling about meeting Frank’s needs when he is not seeing any need to win her, but rather takes her compliance in sex intercourse for granted. It is obviously essential that this deeper area of their conflict needs to be explored, if possible with each of them, if a lasting solution to their conflicts is to be achieved.

We have seen that while the “unburdening” of either partner is proceeding the counselor is encouraging the progressive expression of feelings by responding to their expressed feelings rather than to the facts related in the narratives. But he is not discarding the facts, he is keeping them at the back of his mind for a very important purpose. He assesses the facts mainly in terms of what meaning they have for the client, how the client feels about them, and he more or less instinctively relates such reactions to what might be regarded as reasonable. As the story goes on he will begin to perceive a kind of pattern of reaction, through which he can gain increasing information about the personality of the client. This information may be considered from certain particular points of view for each client.

Tags: Counseling